King of the spring

I've had a strange few days... I haven't felt well with a sickness bug and I have been hobbling around quite badly on my right foot (which incidentally is massively improved today). It has unfortunately put payed to my last long run before Grantham, but... will one more run of 15 minutes extra make that much of a difference on the day? Probably not... I have done some great long runs recently, wearing an XL vest that has just become part of the regalia and I don't really notice the weight at all, I have done two extremely hilly runs (one in Portugal and the run I did from work that is so hilly it scares me)... both with my vest on... and I have done strength training that surpasses any weight I have managed ever before.

But, the strangest thing I've experienced over the last few days is one that would probably cause the most controversy... it's the thing that some people would think is absolutely imperative to training... and what others would believe to be a whole load of bollocks. I'm in the "Imperative" camp! I am referring to the mental training I have been doing, which over the last few days has had me thinking about things that, for a lot of years have been firmly pushed to the back of my mind.

I have been listening to a recording which basically tells you to let go of past experiences that have had such a negative impact, that they impress on your current beliefs about yourself and your state of mind. The important thing about this, of course, is that apparently you can do anything that you want to as your mind is a very powerful thing. However, incidences that have occurred in your past can blur this state of mind and imprint bad and negative experiences in your unconscious mind. A load of bollocks? Hmmm... I don't think so. What I should mention here, is that I always fall asleep when I listen to the recording, however, apparently this is fine as your unconscious mind is still able to pick up the information. Don't ask me what the recording says... because I can never keep awake for longer than 5 minutes of it! Why do I think it's working? I shall explain....

I joined the Royal Navy when I was 20. It was the start of a new and exciting life and I was looking forward to seeing the world. Basic training was fantastic, and I was somebody back then that I don't recognise in myself now. I was like a whippet during training (and this was not a speed thing, more of a tactical thing). No woman could beat me on the obstacle course... in fact, some of the men couldn't either, early morning training saw me effortlessly doing all of the drills while others panted and leant against a wall... it was only running that I wasn't so great at. The 1.5 mile run had to be done in something like 12.5 minutes (if I remember correctly... or maybe it was 13 minutes for a woman?) and I remember literally scraping through it. My biggest worry during this time was a 5 mile battle run which we were due to do... I was dreading it because I couldn't run to save my life! Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) I got myself a fractured foot (which I didn't know at the time, only found out about it 2 years ago when my bursitis was originally thought to be a broken bone) which ruled me out of the battle run. I later found out that one of the Petty Officers had called his group of girls together for a meeting about how to beat me on the obstacle course, and what was it about me?... a 6 stone in weight weakling... that was so unbeatable!
I remember feeling quite flattered by this... but it was something that was soon forgotten. The final obstacle course was won by another girl because I waited at the last wall for her for over 2 minutes and then pushed her over the wall first (well... it was supposed to be teamwork!)

So, that was me back then.

Then I joined the real Navy, and I was put onto a ship. I joined the ship in Rosyth, along with 17 other women. The ships' company were not happy. We took the best mess in the whole ship (because it was the only mess big enough for the amount of Wrens joining) and there was a lot of blokes on board that felt women had no place at sea. Ironically, these men were the ones who had joined recently... the older sea dogs thought it was marvellous to have a change of scenery. ;-)
I was part of the "Seaman" department, and was therefore required to bring the ship alongside and cast off for harbour stations. My first experience of this was just pure hell. "Let the skinny one be King of the spring" was said, and I was pushed to the bollards of the back spring and told, "Hey, you're number one now!" It was the most hellish experience of my life as I frantically ran back and forth undoing figure of 8's off the bollards with a wire rope. If that wasn't bad enough, coming alongside was even worse as you had to literally pull the ship alongside with the wire rope attached to the bollards on the shore, the pain you felt in your hands was just unreal.
I thought they would tire of me doing this and accept that I could do it and get someone else to do it sometimes... no, they didn't. New people would join the ship and I'd think that I would get the chance to have to a break... no, it was my job... I was King of the spring! Occasionally I would be sent to the fore spring, which was even worse. I once had to be "number one" for the fore spring when the ship had to leave by "Springing off". This involved me holding the ship on the fore spring (backed up by 2 blokes... fucking wimps!) while the aft of the ship swung out. Once it was out enough, it was a race to undo the wire off the bollards as the ship was put into reverse.
I remember the massive congratulations from people for how well it was done... even the Captain had said "wow, Wren Burnett, you're very strong for a little thing". BUT I SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO DO IT. I have to admit that this has had such an impact on me (that up until now I didn't realise) as I have sat here writing this in total floods of tears... I've even had to stop twice and have a good bawl over it before carrying on. Sounds pathetic probably, but it was a case of getting on with it and trying to not let it get to me. I think this has been pushed to the back of my mind for years, although I often talk about it happening... I don't relive how I felt, like I just have done now. I wonder if this is why no matter how hard something is, I just keep trying.
It's a bit like the fire brigade... for years I was put as "Number One" on the hose during fire training in the Navy (because it was the worst job)... you had to make the hose go to a water wall (very difficult to move) and then you had to go into the fire first and walk through the wall of freezing water. When I applied for the fire brigade, this was something they were impressed with!

I have probably painted an awful picture of the men on board a ship. The truth is, they will have seen a six stone skinny blonde (who was probably dumb to go with it for all they knew) and thought they would make an example of me... this is why women shouldn't be on board... they aren't strong enough, this is why women should stay ashore... how will they fight a fire when they have no strength!
I understand their point of view, but they have made me a battered version of my former self. Well boys... I DID all the fire fighter training (and ran the blindfolded BASCCA run with 2 x 5 litre water bottles in less than 2 minutes when the cutoff time was 6.45 mins), I was strong enough to do everything that was asked of me, and for 2 and a half years on HMS Broadsword, I was KING OF THE SPRING!
I was strong enough then, and I'm strong enough now to let it go. I did my job, and now I don't have to think negatively about it anymore.