Grief

Grief is a wierd thing. It can make you irrational, it can make you angry, and it can make you incredibly sad. It's wierd because you aren't grieving the person/pet etc that has gone because you know they are no longer in pain. Grief is wierd because you're grieving for yourself. You're the one who's left on your own without them and you're just basically feeling sorry for yourself.

I'm feeling sorry for myself after losing my cat yesterday. I'm also feeling sorry for myself because I've had to ditch the ultra at the end of the month. I'm not going to be ready. My foot was doing great until some weight training set it back. It's not horrendous, but I can't run again for a few days until I right the wrong that weight training did to it. It's strange that running made it feel quite good the other day and the act of lifting 50KG a few times really made it ache. Oh well, another lesson learnt. I sometimes hate lessons.

So, I am currently wallowing in self pity. It's not pretty but I can be a tough cookie when I want to be. I'll get over it. I was a tough cookie only today in fact... I painted on a smile and laughed with clients and very falsely told them things with me were great. Inside I was just dying with grief, but they never would have known it.